Sun Wheel
Another year passed above me. It is almost 9 pm. My birth time. I felt like I was floating today. A bit disconnected from the world but held by all the love. The chocolate babka ended up with cashews and a little bit of sumac. I adore sumac. It was great.
I was untangling my emotions today. Had some lovely encounters with strangers who just stopped me randomly asking about my beads. They are my rudraksha beads I got from Nepal in this tiny store and whenever I need a little bit of an energetic uplift, I would wear them. And of course, I use them as my mala for my mantra chanting.
Most of the day I spent working out and moving around the gym. I am the type of person who gets stopped by a lot of people and chat away the time. This is not to rub anything in. It is merely a fact. I like people and their stories and their perspectives. I am easily curious. Getting back to emotions. I felt joyful and happy. Until I left and this hollow feeling returned. Notice I am not using emptiness because I do not have a problem with it. However, hollow feels a tad different. A bit on the heavier side of emotions to me. I sat down at the Thames on a bench and was looking outwards. I am very grateful so what is this thing? It is not a bothering presence that makes me restless or anything like that. It is still there like a tiny whisper, but I don’t seem to know what it is trying to say. My phone was buzzing with all those good wishes and congratulations. On that note, I published my first poetry collection called breath! Yay! Click here if you’d like to know more. Product placement almost over, trust me.
I was a bit scared of putting out poetry just because it is so personal. You do feel totally stripped even if those messages are well encoded. As soon as I saw the book live, I was jumping. If I manage to touch one person with it, then job well done in my book. There is no modesty in this. I just think small achievements count and add up.
As those messages got in, I thought, I need to start with the next one. It has not been live for even 12 hours and here I am, on to the next one. This world is so weird. Nothing seems to be enough. More and more are the mantras we live by. I don’t want to. Maybe that is why this division is in me? If that whisper could get a bit clearer, I would understand. Lonely does not seem to be departing for now. So, dear me, Happy Birthday!
Keep breathing!
- A